thursday night

my job is stressing me out.



this is how i start the day. but then...



i get a little overwhelmed and end up like this. but then...



someone says one of the stupidest things i've ever heard in my entire life and they are totally serious about it and i end up like this. until finally...



two people walk into the room asking to talk to me while i'm talking to another person and someone is paging me because i have a phone call and IM-ing me because i also have two other phone calls.

i am an introvert.

i know because jeremy's personality tests that i took when he was taking some kind of psychology for shipbuilders class TOLD me so. i can't handle this much human interaction. i wasn't fabricated with the intention of saying so many words to so many people in one day.

people freak me out. they are weird and they are mean and they talk about me when i'm not around.

there is no exception to that rule.

if i'm nice, people think i'm weak.

if i am serious, people think i'm a bitch.

i'm not good at handling people on account of being terrified/repulsed by them. that lady said something nice to me, but she obviously didn't mean it. was she saying it sarcastically? manipulatively? what does she want from me? i have to make sure to be polite but distant so she doesn't think it's working. what is 'it'? i don't know, but DON'T GIVE IN TO IT, whatever it is. that chick just looked at me weird. is she texting her girlfriend about how annoying i am? why did everyone stop talking when i walked into this meeting? were they talking about how unfit i am for this job? where is that weird buzzing noise coming from? why is my face so hot? WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME? STOP LOOKING AT ME, ALL OF YOU.

anyway the point is i am not good at people-ing all day. it's exhausting.

here's my dinner.



this smoothie wasn't mind-blowing so i'll skimp on the deets. it was yogurt, berries, banana, spinach and cinnamon with some oats on top. i'll give it a solid 'meh'. also a rootbeer. and a troll which will very soon have a new home to haunt. i mean, brighten.