in the words of brad delp and the gang, it's been a long time. i used to love boston when i was in high school. if we're honest with each other, i think ... well, sometimes i think ... i still do kind of love boston. but only when i'm by myself and jeremy can't judge me for it. jeremy and his exquisitely hip taste. anyway! i'm running really late and i totally shouldn't be blogging.
here's a boy and a kitty!
alfred likes to sleep on jeremy's head, make biscuits on his face and just sort of bother him in general in the night times. jeremy finds this adorable, so i guess everybody wins. sometimes alfred tries that shit with my pillow at 2am and i just start swatting and alfred runs off all like omg omg omg but then slinks back about 2 minutes later, this time remembering which head is the cuddly one and which is the hostile one. in alfred's defense, i really can't blame him for wanting to cuddle with jeremy's head. jeremy is like a soft and furry space heater. it's really remarkable. i almost don't need a heated blanket as long as he's under the covers emitting his suspicious warmth (radioactive husband?). almost.
here's breakfast:
that would be creamy buckwheat cereal. the bag says that buckwheat isn't wheat at all, but rather it is a fruit! fascinating!
so there is my bowl of breakfast with creamy buckwheat cereal on one side and coconut vanilla trader joe's yogurt on the other. it looks remarkably like what i imagine a bowl of sperm would look like. i mean based on what i have heard about what sperm looks like from various deviant tv characters that accidentally said something about sperm before i had time to quickly change the channel and never think about sperm again. sperm. now it doesn't even look like a real word anymore. gah i wish i had finished eating that yogurt before writing this. unfortunately i don't have the luxury of not multi-tasking. ANYWAYS
here is lunch:
i know what you're thinking. you're judging me. omg missy, how can you eat a cardboard box filled with vaguely food-shaped processed chemical crap?? well, it's because i asked myself a question at the grocery store yesterday. i said missy, remember that one time when you lost all that weight? and then i was like yeah, wait, no, which time was that? (because i gain and lose weight pretty much on the regular)and then i was like, you know, that time back home when you were taking those amphetamines. and then i remembered and i was like yeah, i remember that. i think i had about 6 mini heart-attacks on that stuff. and lost 30 pounds in like a month! that was awesome, let's totally do that again! and then i was like wait, but you almost died and also you gained back all the weight when you stopped taking it. and i was like, you know what, me? that's a good point. let's don't do that again. (plus it would be really embarrassing to go to my doctor and be like heyyyy it's missy the hypersensitive hypochondriac again, can i have some amphetamines pls?). so anyway, i'm digressing (and also holy effing ish i am so late!) so then i was like well, what if you could re-create that weight loss but without amphetamines? and i was like that would be good but how? and then i thought back to what i used to eat in those days. every morning i had a slimfast and then for lunch i had a lean cuisine and some carrots and hummus or like an apple or something and then for dinner i normally had more slim fast. the thing about slim fast is that it takes something away from you. something very important and something i am not willing to go without. it takes away ... your ability to poop like a human. no joke? i pooped out like 4 little rabbit poop pellets every two days back then. yes. the quality of my life suffered. i mean i was thin, but at what cost?!?!
so anyway, i'm trying to re-create my amphetamine-driven weight loss by following that style of eating again. it was very structured so i didn't have opportunities to be like HEY I KNOW WHAT WOULD BE GOOD LET'S ADD SOME MOTHAFUCKIN CHEESE! i need rules and structure and stuff. i need a military boot camp diet. is that a thing? that should be a thing. i'd google it but I AM SO LATE NOW IT IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. i have to finish my sperm yogurt now and go get ready for work in a frenzy. GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL.
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