it's been a long time.
your hearts have broken.
you can't trust my promises anymore.
i understand, but i'm going to make it up to you, baby. just wait and see.
i know you can't stay mad at this face.
this is me in a spectacular chicken hat that mr. hancock bought me as a sign of his love and affection for me. because i'm not just any girl. i'm the kind of wife that men buy chicken hats for.
speaking of the most exquisite hunk of man candy on the planet, jeremy got a birthday tattoo this weekend! want to see it?
of course you want to see it. that was a rhetorical question.
it's this super evil cartoon villain octopus. there was a fancy cruiseship that sank, see, and this octopus climbed aboard while the boat was only half submerged, and he totally murdered this fancy pants guy in cold blood which is pretty fucked up considering that if the octopus had just waited a couple minutes, fancy pants guy would have just drowned and had a nice peaceful poetic death and then otto the evil octopus could have looted his lifeless corpse like a normal saturday night in the garden. but nooo. otto the evil octopus is in it for the sport. so anyway he brutally murders this guy and steals his monocle and tophat. he even ripped the fancy waxed mustache right off fancy pants guy's face. yeah. and now he wears it like a trophy.
next up we have the top-notch dinner that i prepared for my beloved, evil-octopus-clad husband last night.
it consisted of perfectly cooked chicken (see my previous blog post wrt "how to cook chicken" for the recipe) along with perfectly executed basmati rice, sauteed baby bok choy in a spicy asian sauce (for which no i will not give you the recipe) and a beautiful, perfectly ripe avocado. rice + avocado = delicious.
that brings me to this morning. here is a picture of breakfast.
ginger tea is my favorite kind of tea. jeremy bought a bottle of ginger tea at 7-11 the other day and then declared [hastily] that he hates ginger tea because it 'tastes like spicy dirt'. the moral of this story is don't buy bottled ginger tea.
so then this morning after the gym i was all like herp a derp a derp OH SNAP it's somebody's birthday whose birthday i give a crap about it being. and so then i was running all around the kitchen in circles from the pantry to the fridge going all like WHAT CAN I MAKE A CAKE OUT OF AND HOW CAN I FROST IT IF I DON'T HAVE ANY POWDERED SUGAR. why doesn't facebook give me more of a head's up about people's birthdays? and where did the expression 'heads up' come from? i mean let's pretend like we're in the trenches. it's the great war. there's bullets flying all over the place. but then it's eerily calm. you look at the guy next to you. his face is coated in sweat, mud, and blood. he looks kind of sexy. you notice that the top button of his uniform is undone. wait! sorry, you're imagining the wrong scenario. ok so the bullets are flying, and then the guy next to you goes all like, 'HEADS UP!!' so you stick your head up out of the trench thinking that someone needs your help, and then your head gets shot off because you stuck it up during a bullet bath. it just don't make no sense. when people are telling you to get to work they say 'keep your head down' and 'push through it'. put your nose to the grindstone, your shoulder to the wheel. none of this involves sticking your head up like some kind of retarded duck in the pond. anyway, if someone could clear this up for me, i'd really appreciate it.
so! i found some stuff and threw it in a bowl and threw that in the oven.
and then when the timer went off, it looked like that, which is to say, it looked golden-brown and perfect and oh man did it ever smell good. but then i did the toothpick test and it was pretty much cake soup with a crust. so i was like ok, NBD, let's just throw some aluminum foil on that shit and keep rolling. wellllll except for remember that one time when you didn't have any more aluminum foil? great. so instead i crinkled up some parchment paper and put that over the cake, hoping simultaneously that it would keep the cake from browning too much AND that the parchment paper would not catch on fire.
the cake came out looking pretty ok, the parchment paper didn't catch on fire, and i made frosting out of cream cheese, some granulated sugar (because who doesn't love crunchy frosting!), vanilla and coconut extracts, and some honey. yeah i'm not positive that we have struck gold with this thing but I TRIED, OK?! on very little facebook notice.
i guess that's about enough for now. but don't you worry. there is more where this came from.
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