i will never be a grownup

good morning everyone!

or should i say, buongiorno. there's a lady i work with who started out being my boss [one of several of my bosses]. she is italian and i always thought she was super cool but also super scary. i tried really hard to make her like me, but it seemed like the harder i tried, the more she scowled. i even gave her a random present once just because i saw something that i thought she'd like to have. [she still has that present on her desk to this day and that is a great triumph for me]. anyway, finally once it became clear to her that i was not aligned with her arch nemesis in the office as she had originally believed that i was .... she [seemingly] started to like me!! but just for good measure, i bought an italian phrase-a-day calendar, and nearly every day when she comes in my office, she asks me what the phrase of the day is and makes me say it to her. so basically ..... i totally nailed it. i love it when people like me after not liking me! it's the best! though it's also pretty devastating when things go the opposite way [when people go from liking you to not liking you. ouch.]

which brings me to my point for today, which is: i will never be a grownup. i will always be really stressed out about who doesn't like me or who is talking about me when i leave a room. did they think that joke was funny, or were they just sympathy laughing? or worse, were they laughing AT me instead of WITH me? social skills aside, i also can't follow simple instructions, i often interrupt people when they're speaking, i couldn't find my way out of a brown paper bag, my socks often do not match, i would rather eat dessert than dinner, i cry when feeling just about any emotion, and i freaking love to pop bubble wrap.

fortunately, i managed to marry someone who can deal with my grownup shortcomings. jeremy is the perfect husband and he comes with a lot of bonus perks. for example: he always smells good but never wears cologne (i hate cologne. no exceptions to that rule), he looks super cute in a collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up, he knows how to fix almost anything, and if he doesn't know how to fix something but you give him 20 minutes and the internet then he will damn sure figure out how to fix it. animals love him, which you know is a good sign because animals are excellent judges of character. plus it's super cute when he goes to his parents' house and sits on the couch and suddenly every pet they own is either sitting on him, sitting next to him, or sitting at his feet and gazing up at his face with adoration in their beady little eyes. but the perk that i'd like to highlight today is jeremy's acknowledgement of the fact that i'm not a grownup and is not only totally ok with it, but he actively supports some of my most childlike habits. in this case: he does an excellent job of hunting down YA supernatural fiction that i will totally love.

example 1. chemical garden so this is a trilogy called the chemical garden series. jeremy found it at barnes and noble and was all like hey missy you're going to like this. so i bought the first one and read it in less than 24 hours because i could not get it into me fast enough. [that's what she said?] so then i ordered the second book from the internets and read that as fast as my eyes could laser through the pages but then the THIRD book i had to wait for because it hadn't been published yet but by the time it had been published, i was already distracted by example 2. of jeremy's teenage melodrama book finding gift!

example 2. beautiful creatures Jeremy found this little treasure when we were at barnes and noble looking [unsuccessfully] for the third chemical garden book (before i realized that it hadn't been published yet]. he didn't know that i had seen previews for the movie version of this book when i was in the theatre watching the twilight saga: breaking dawn part 2 [DON'T JUDGE ME] and that i had thought to myself, hot damn that looks like a bunch of nonsensical preteen drivel! i must see this film!! and at the time, i don't think i realized that that book belonged to that movie preview (because breaking dawn came out sort of a while ago and i forgot.) but anyway i started reading it when i was dying of the plague/rage virus/pseudo flu/common cold and it was so great! secret underground catacomb libraries? ancient societies? magical creatures? psychic dream connections? hello?! sign me up. so then i had to order the other 3 books from that series online because there are none in the store because all the other 13 year old bitches already beat me to them, but while making that discovery, jeremy hunted down this little jewel:

example 3. etiquette and espionage oooh yeah. this one is super great! i'm still reading it, but it's about this 14 year old girl named sophronia who is just an incorrigible tomboy and her mumsy sends her away to a finishing school after an incident that involved her dismantling the dumbwaiter, tearing her petticoat, and launching a bowl of trifle onto an old lady's head. the language is super stylized and affected and it's all just way over the top and too many adjectives and the author is trying waaay too hard and i just love it. love it!! so then i went online to find out about the rest of that series and disovered in the meanwhile that this lady also wrote a series of steampunk supernatural romance comedy books called the parasol protectorate. so then i ordered all 5 of those too.

so anyway, thank you jeremy, you enrich my life in many ways.

so last night and this morning i did something kind of shocking that nobody will believe i actually did.



yes that's right, i took a step out of my comfort zone and baked a cake.



...



um so anyways, this girl that works in the same office as me just found out she is going to poop out a baby boy some time in july, so i made a cake to celebrate because food is how i express all my emotions and explains why i am as big and fat as a big fat cow who always makes cakes. ANYWAY i used the 'best cake i ever made' recipe and created some weird chocolate marshmallow fluff frosting that i can't tell whether it's a triumph or not ... i have such a difficult time with making frosting. [can someone help me?] and then because the frosting was weird i decided to make a ganache to pour over it. the ganache is made with half and half, semi-sweet chocolate, and some coconut oil. why? because i didn't have any whipping cream and i read on the internet that you CAN make ganache with half and half but you need to add more fat so all the science still works. and i couldn't add butter because i already used all my sticks of butter in the past couple cakes i've made [ehem .. this week] so i used coconut oil. it seemed like a great idea but then i was all like ... what if she doesn't like coconut. womp womp. ANYWAY the exciting thing about this cake is that it's bright blue on the inside.



she doesn't know that i already know that it's a boy! so when she cuts into it she'll be like z0mg! (fingers crossed for making a pregnant lady cry. now that i know i have this ability of causing cake tears, i'm sort of intoxicated with the power).

ok and to wrap things up, here's a picture of anya the demon kitten who stopped being possessed long enough to sit in my lap and be cute before resuming her normal schedule of shredding all my earthly belongings: