GLORP

so i had planned on photographing some of my signature morning time glorp yesterday but didn't have time, in the wake of what can only be described as an almost harrowing, nearly fateful, sort of adverse weather situation. yeah, the hurricane turned out to be kind of a bust. a hurricain't*, if you will.


today was a different story.


i had nothing BUT time!


BEHOLD!!!





here it is, in all its weird, slimey glory.


I know what you're thinking. "missy, that looks so completely amazing! i must have it for my very own! i wish i could concoct a Tervis Tumbler full of that freaky-looking swamp-funk mess in my very own kitchen!" well, this post is for you. you weirdo.


GLORP RECIPE
Ingredients

• a couple greedy handfuls of baby spinach (or kale if you're a total healthfreak badass)
• 1 c liquid. i use almond mylk but you could use pretty much whatever wet stuff you want. coconut water, greek yogurt, fruit juice, I SAID WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST PICK SOMETHING ALREADY!!!
• fruits. today i used a banana and a persimmon because i knew i would be broadcasting my breakfast and i figured everyone would think i was totally awesome for 1) having a persimmon 2) using that persimmon in food preparation. was i wrong? yeah i didn't think so. on a serious note, persimmons are freaking delicious. they are so sweet y'all! my banana was a little underripe, and this smoothie probably would have been kind of a bummer as a result, but the persimmon totally saved it. and for that, we thank you.
• ice. apparently some people don't like cold smoothies, and they are weird. but i like 'em extra cold, so i normally throw in 6 or 8 cubes. you might be concerned about throwing 8 cubes of ice into your blender. won't it just get stuck and make an angry, accusatory grinding noise and then you end up throwing all your ingredients down the sink and driving to a fast food joint for a chicken biscuit? well maybe. but only if you do not have a BlendTec blender. fortunately for me, i do have one, so i laugh in the face of 6 or 8 ice cubes.
• last ingredient: whatever the hell you want. yeah. this recipe is not for people who can't make decisions, because basically it's not a recipe. it's just a list of completely random shit that gets tossed unceremoniously into a BlendTec and sucked down in a whirlwind of brainfreeze and fantasies of not looking like an overstuffed sausage casing at some point in the somewhat-near future. anyway, the point is, you can add whatever you want. chia seeds, (probably mix those in after you blend or your blender will get all schmeared with chia seed shrapnel), vanilla extract, oats, sprinkles, cocoa powder, you could sprinkle granola on top, or a dollop of whipped cream, or you could blend up some glow sticks or cell phones or puppy dogs in your BlendTec (because it will literally.blend.anything) and throw that on top, because THE LAST INGREDIENT IS WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

Directions

Ok, so while it's true that you can put pretty much whatever you want INTO your glorp, there is a sort of procedure you want to follow to optimize your consistency and whatnot. first, add your liquid (1 cup, remember?) then the spinach, and then work your way through the ingredients so that the most easily blended stuff is on the bottom and the most difficult stuff to blend is on the top.

Ah, the glorpy goodness. I EAT VEGETABLES FOR BREAKFAST, PEOPLE. one of the several and substantial reasons that i am better than you. ok, we all know i don't really think i'm better than anyone. but either way, VEGETABLES.

now, on to lunch time. i packed up some more magical squash goodness but this time with peas, goat cheese, grape tomatoes and some red chili pepper flakes because i like to feel the burn!

you may have noticed that there seems to be a somewhat unruly selection of fresh produce in my kitchen today. you may be asking yourself, "self, why do you think missy has an entire tomato vineyard on her counter top?" (is a tomato vineyard a thing? it sounds right). well, you'll just have to stay tuned until next time, when i reveal the pretty effing retarded thing i'm going to do and blog about starting tomorrow.


I DO THESE THINGS FOR YOU!!!



*("hurricain't" is intellectual property of Jeremy Edward Hancock and should not be used in conversation or otherwise without written and notarized legal consent)